TRUTHS Part 2*3

Welcome to my second part of the TRUTH series, in case you missed the first part here is the link. Today I seek to shed some light on my opinion about truths, not general truths like ‘the sun rises in the east’ or anything frivolous but real life truths. Things that happen to us or those stuff that we do, but are best left untold. You might note that in this case there is a thin line between secrets and truths. However, all secrets are not necessarily true and all truths don’t need to be secrets. It is safe to say that every rational human being above the age of eleven, this includes you and I, has some form of secret. These secrets may be good or bad and may elicit all types of opinions and emotions. But that’s why we are here today. So, let’s dig in.

My mother usually says “truth is like a dead rat, you might lock it in a drawer but chances are the smell will give it away.” We all have some stuff about us that we feel not so comfortable sharing with anyone regardless of the magnitude of our relationship. For instance, a lady or a guy who has been sexually abused in the past is not at liberty to recount his or her experience to everyone they get into a relationship with.

The same scenario may apply to a person who has done time in prison for whatever crime or in more dramatic cases one of their relatives was a sexual predator or some sort of societal misfit. We cannot rule out cheating on your spouse or partner and having different sexual preferences i.e. being gay. Having a drug problem or being former drug addict also falls in this category as well as having an abortion or kids out of wedlock, among other truths that we consider serious.

Some truths are never that serious. Say, getting wasted on spring break and you somehow end up flashing your boobs in public, only for the pictures taken to come and haunt you later. Or making a sex tape with someone you thought you loved and trusted only for it to go viral years later when you are happily married and a respectable member of society. We’ve all heard cases where people were strippers or exotic dancers as well as sexual workers to pay their way through certain situations in life like college.

But why do we hesitate to speak our truth?
1. Judgment
Like it or not we humans are judgmental creatures by nature. We see a teenage mother and assume she is morally loose, we meet a well-dressed guy sleeping in the streets and assume he has a drinking problem, anyone in jail we assume is a criminal, and a kid throwing a tantrum in public we assume is spoilt. In as much as we love judging, we are surprisingly in constant fear of being judged and so we burry our truths deep in the past hoping that they will somehow go away.

2. Fear of the unknown
There is nothing tougher in life than not knowing what exactly you are afraid of. Should you let your guard down and tell your husband that you had an abortion in college that’s maybe why you are having issues with child bearing, how would he react? Would he be mad or supportive? Would he wish you had told him earlier? What will happen to your 5 years of marriage? These unanswered questions pose more problems than solutions and it is only human to take the easy way out and feign lack of knowledge.

3. Previous experiences
Once bitten twice shy, we all know that too well. If you ever did tell someone you thought you trusted your truth and it backfires on your face, your truthmeter automatically gets faulty. You decide to hold your truths at heart and your awful experience paralyze you from ever trusting anyone with your truth.

4. Self-acceptance
Before you confide in anyone about your truth you need to have accepted it first. Many are times when we mentally block our experiences in hopes that by ignoring them, they never happened. We cannot erase the past, that’s for sure but we still have a shot at dictating our future. For instance, accepting that you were sexually abused at some point in life does not mean that you are letting the experience define you. Instead it means that you are acknowledging that it happened but you are willing to get help and take the necessary action to ensure it never happens again to you or any other person. It is easier for others to accept the truth with you than for you. So begin by accepting your truth first.

All in all, the truth is rarely pure and never simple. However, this does not mean that they define who we are. Be strong, choose wisely those whom you trust and never seek validation from any human being. Remember that how we handle our experiences can either make us or break us. At the end of the day we are only human we may falter, we may fall, and we may crush: but our ability to rise up and dust ourselves off is what defines us. Judge not lest though be judged and don’t forget every saint has a past, just as every sinner has a future.