TRUTHS Part 2*3

Welcome to my second part of the TRUTH series, in case you missed the first part here is the link. Today I seek to shed some light on my opinion about truths, not general truths like ‘the sun rises in the east’ or anything frivolous but real life truths. Things that happen to us or those stuff that we do, but are best left untold. You might note that in this case there is a thin line between secrets and truths. However, all secrets are not necessarily true and all truths don’t need to be secrets. It is safe to say that every rational human being above the age of eleven, this includes you and I, has some form of secret. These secrets may be good or bad and may elicit all types of opinions and emotions. But that’s why we are here today. So, let’s dig in.

My mother usually says “truth is like a dead rat, you might lock it in a drawer but chances are the smell will give it away.” We all have some stuff about us that we feel not so comfortable sharing with anyone regardless of the magnitude of our relationship. For instance, a lady or a guy who has been sexually abused in the past is not at liberty to recount his or her experience to everyone they get into a relationship with.

The same scenario may apply to a person who has done time in prison for whatever crime or in more dramatic cases one of their relatives was a sexual predator or some sort of societal misfit. We cannot rule out cheating on your spouse or partner and having different sexual preferences i.e. being gay. Having a drug problem or being former drug addict also falls in this category as well as having an abortion or kids out of wedlock, among other truths that we consider serious.

Some truths are never that serious. Say, getting wasted on spring break and you somehow end up flashing your boobs in public, only for the pictures taken to come and haunt you later. Or making a sex tape with someone you thought you loved and trusted only for it to go viral years later when you are happily married and a respectable member of society. We’ve all heard cases where people were strippers or exotic dancers as well as sexual workers to pay their way through certain situations in life like college.

But why do we hesitate to speak our truth?
1. Judgment
Like it or not we humans are judgmental creatures by nature. We see a teenage mother and assume she is morally loose, we meet a well-dressed guy sleeping in the streets and assume he has a drinking problem, anyone in jail we assume is a criminal, and a kid throwing a tantrum in public we assume is spoilt. In as much as we love judging, we are surprisingly in constant fear of being judged and so we burry our truths deep in the past hoping that they will somehow go away.

2. Fear of the unknown
There is nothing tougher in life than not knowing what exactly you are afraid of. Should you let your guard down and tell your husband that you had an abortion in college that’s maybe why you are having issues with child bearing, how would he react? Would he be mad or supportive? Would he wish you had told him earlier? What will happen to your 5 years of marriage? These unanswered questions pose more problems than solutions and it is only human to take the easy way out and feign lack of knowledge.

3. Previous experiences
Once bitten twice shy, we all know that too well. If you ever did tell someone you thought you trusted your truth and it backfires on your face, your truthmeter automatically gets faulty. You decide to hold your truths at heart and your awful experience paralyze you from ever trusting anyone with your truth.

4. Self-acceptance
Before you confide in anyone about your truth you need to have accepted it first. Many are times when we mentally block our experiences in hopes that by ignoring them, they never happened. We cannot erase the past, that’s for sure but we still have a shot at dictating our future. For instance, accepting that you were sexually abused at some point in life does not mean that you are letting the experience define you. Instead it means that you are acknowledging that it happened but you are willing to get help and take the necessary action to ensure it never happens again to you or any other person. It is easier for others to accept the truth with you than for you. So begin by accepting your truth first.

All in all, the truth is rarely pure and never simple. However, this does not mean that they define who we are. Be strong, choose wisely those whom you trust and never seek validation from any human being. Remember that how we handle our experiences can either make us or break us. At the end of the day we are only human we may falter, we may fall, and we may crush: but our ability to rise up and dust ourselves off is what defines us. Judge not lest though be judged and don’t forget every saint has a past, just as every sinner has a future.

TRUTHS. Part 1*3

February, what a month. I am more than glad to welcome this new month after the shenanigans associated with the festive season and January blues. Anyone living in Kenya knows that January is no joke because somehow everybody seems to be magically broke in January; it doesn’t matter whether you are good at saving, or that you paid all your bills in good time…that dough just doesn’t seem to flow jeez. Enough rambling for now, and allow me to indulge you in something intriguing I recently underwent in this three part blog series I call TRUTHS.

Last February, I helped a friend organize a surprise engagement for his girlfriend. They had been dating for a year and things were cozy enough between them to take it to the next level. Well, she did say yes and after the customary tears and declarations of endless love they moved in together and even wedding preparations were underway. So last week again this friend, let’s call him Mark, calls me as he needs ideas about their first anniversary celebration,

“I need something classy and authentic but with just the right amount of romance,” he said sounding love struck as usual.
“I got you, what’s the budget?”
“Same as last time.”



So today at 5.00AM Mark’s girlfriend calls me, sobbing and incoherent telling me something along the lines of “you should talk to him” and that she is sorry. I listen half sleepy not understanding a word of what she is saying, heaven knows I hate drama in my life. Besides I had been working the whole night and was in no mental or physical state to understand her. As soon as she hangs up I got back to sleep till around 11AM, when Mark calls and tells me to get ready as he is coming to pick me up in half an hour for brunch. FYI that’s code for we need to talk. He pulls up in front of my house twenty minutes later looking like a tractor ran him over. Then he answers my greeting with a nod as we speed off nearly running over my poor caretaker. This looks really bad.


A few cocktails later, I learn that he just broke off his engagement. Case and point, the fiancé had forgotten that she was a mother of two kids, yes KIDS, and in this case four year old twins! How on earth did he find out? He goes on to tell me that he stumbled across a picture that she was tagged on, on Facebook by some dude. In it she was heavily pregnant and when he asked her about it, at first she denied it… then went on to lie to him that the kid was dead. Seeing that it was a sensitive topic he didn't press on.

What intrigued me however wasn’t the news about kids, because everyone knows he loves children as he was always talking about how he needs at least six, but why did he call off the engagement? After the pregnancy discovery they hit a rough patch but he wanted things back to normal that’s why he called her sister to help him chose a dress for her, for the surprise anniversary. Long story short as they were shopping he asked her how her kids were doing. Surprised she told him she only had one child.
“What about the ones you were with at the Kids Festival?”
“Oh! You are confusing them, mine is older but those are Stella’s twins.”

An innocent remark, but that was it. That evening Stella went ballistic on her poor sister who had no idea her kids were a secret. They had a pretty nasty fight where she confessed to having kids (who are alive), and her reason for not telling him was cause she forgot. That simple.


“I cannot trust a mother who can deny her own children to be my wife and possibly the mother of my kids, how on earth," he said.